My Bar Knowledge of Eminem’s Alfred’s Theme
Alfred’s Theme is a track from Eminem’s Music To Be Murdered By Side-B. It contains the most amount of bars for an Eminem song that I’ve heard so far. Here’s my breakdown of the bars that I can catch.
Before I check the mic (Check, check, one, two)
I give it a extra swipe with a Lysol disinfectant wipe (Good evening)
Coronavirus in effect tonight
Antiseptics on deck, I got every type (Yeah)
In the era of Covid-19, it’s important to always “check” things whether it’s clean. Check also mean “check check”, like an MC when they test the mic.
I throw on my tux, then I (Yeah) give zero fucks, then I (Yeah)
Act like a jockstrap (Uh), cup my nuts, then I (Yeah)
This may be far-fetched but “act like a jock”, meaning like a college jock like a juvenile, that’s why there’s zero f*ck given. Also, jockstraps are commonly portrayed as being used by a jock. What does the jockstrap do? They cupped your nuts. 🔥🔥🔥
Overkill likе a pipe bomb in your pine box
Overkill cause you’ve overdone it (destroy wooden box using bomb). Also, if you’re in a pine box you’re most likely already dead anw, so you’ve been killed twice. Hence, overkill.
Went from punchin’ a time clock to getting my shot
Then treated it like a cyclops
Like it’s the only one I (Only one eye) got
“Only one I” and “Only one eye” have the same sound. Like Cyclops cause they only have one eye. But also Em’s saying that he’s only got one shot, referencing “Lose Yourself”.
That’s why there’s parental advising (Visine) every time I drop (Eye drop)
Every time I (Em) drop, meaning every time he’s in the presents, we have to need parental advising cause his lines are obscene. But also, “I drop” sounds like “eye drop”. A scene in which there’s an eye drop will need parental advising. “Vising” rhymes with “Visine” which is an eye drop. 🔥🔥🔥
So throw on the theme to Alfred, I’ll channel him like the Panama Canal
“Channel him” like “I’m tapped into”, and channel like a body of water like a canal.
But how could I get up in arms about you saying trash is all that I put out?
Bitch, I still get the bag when I’m putting garbage out
Eminem replies to people who said his songs are trash, yet he can still “take out the garbage” (them people) and put ’em in the “body bag”. Also, people use garbage bags when putting out the trash.
Plus, the potty mouth, I’m not about to wash it out
“Potty mouth” is an idiom of someone who likes to use vulgar language and profanity. He’s got “dirty” lyrics in his songs, and he won’t “wash it” meaning that he doesn’t care and will keep doing it.
Because if cleanliness is next to godliness
It’s obvious that it’s impossible for me to be beside myself
He’s both God (Rap God is one of his tracks) and clean (meaning he’s so good at what he’s doing) at the same time. So if cleanliness is next to godliness, it’s impossible to line up Em next to Em.
And I’m ‘bout that capital like a proper noun
Capital is like capital money, meaning he’s got money. Proper nouns always start with capital letters.
Still on top the pile
Got me sitting on numbers like a pocket dial
Quick to call you out on your bullshit
Don’t make me give that crock a dial
’Cause if I do it, see you later, alligator
“Still on top of the pile” meaning that he’s still at the top. The top of the pile also means a pile of money so he’s “sitting on numbers”, but also a pocket dial is a literal sitting on numbers (keypad on your phone). Pocket dial accidentally calls someone, and “call out” also means addressing something. If you’re being called out by Em, then “see you later alligator! (famous idiom)” means that you would be gone. And also “Crock a dial” sounds like “crocodile” which is a close family to alligators. 🔥🔥🔥
I think they’re gunnin’ for me, it’s startin’ to feel like that
Like I’m marked, ’cause when I rap, it’s like fallin’ on my back in a tar pit
’Cause I have this target on my back (Ew, yuck)
If you’re falling on your back in a tar pit, you’ll get tar in your back. “Tar get” has a double meaning with “target”.
But if I ever double-crossed my fans and lost my Stans
I’d probably pop five Xans (Yeah)
Go in my garage, start my van
Inhale as much carbon monoxide and exhaust I can
And doze off like *snores*
But odds like that, with these thoughts I have’s like a giant getting squashed by ants
Double-crossed is an idiom for betrayal. If Em ever betrays his fans (Stans) then he’ll kill himself by swallowing Xanax (overdose). But also…! If you cross out two letters (double cross) from Stans → S̵t̵ans it becomes Xans. 🔥🔥🔥
Inhale CO₂ and exhaust (exhaling air) which will make him dead. It could also mean “exhausted”, that’s why he’s “doze off” *snores. But also, “exhaust” like a car’s exhaustion that spews out gas. 🔥🔥🔥
But the chance of him betraying his fans will never happen, cause ants could never squash giants. 🔥🔥🔥
If this is the test of time, I’d pass with flying colors
Like I just tossed my crayons (Tossed my crayons)
“Test of time” is like a hardship you need to endure in your current life situation. “Pass with flying colors” is an idiom meaning you did incredibly well in a test. So Em is doing well in the current hardship that he faced. Crayon’s being tossed is a literal “color is flying”. 🔥🔥🔥
Bitch, it’s 2020, you still ain’t seein’ me (Haha)
“2020” like the year and it also holds a double meaning of the 20/20 vision which ties in with “ain’t seein'”.
So call me Santa Claus (Santa Claus)
’Cause at the present (Yeah), I out-rap ’em all (Wrap ’em all), I’m at the mall
“Present” correlated to Santa Claus’ job, but also “present” like in the present. Rap sounds like “wrap”, Santa’s job is to wrap presents — and what location do most people search for a present? At the mall. 🔥🔥🔥
My dick is coat check (Ha), she wanna jack it off (Yeah)
“Jack it off” sounds like “jacket off”, which is what people do in a coat check. 🔥🔥🔥
I’m so far past the bar, I should practice law
The bar, as in the bar in the songs. To practice law, you need to take a bar exam. 🔥🔥🔥
This chicken hit my phone, she said, “Chirp, chirp”
I said, “Hut, hut, hike your skirt, skirt”
Then go eat some worms, like the early bird
“Chick” is a slang term for girls. “Early bird catches the worms” is a popular idiom. Chick is a kind of Aves (bird). It may be far-fetched but worms might be d*cks.
But I’m back with so many knots, I need a chiropractor (Damn)
I’m back with so many knots meaning that he has returned with lots of money. It also has a literal meaning of a back with knots, hence the chiropractor. 🔥🔥🔥
they gon’ give me the needle (What?) like a vinyl scratcher
A vinyl player uses needles to play songs.
And y’all who claim to be dogs aren’t
No bite, like a tree, mostly just all bark, arf, arf
But y’all pickin’ the wrong tree, they call me dog because I’m barking (Bar king, bark, bark, barking)
If someone claims to be a dog or dawg, meaning that claim to be homies. He said that they’re not a dawg 'cause they don’t bite, but just bark like only runnin’ their mouth, like a tree cause tree bark, and trees don’t bite. But Em is a dawg, not because he barks (just talks), but because he’s a “bar king” (king of bars and sounds like barking) 🔥🔥🔥
And I got a lot, yeah, like where cars park
Got a “lot” meaning got many of something, but also a lot like a parking lot where cars park.
I’d describe it as bowling (Why?) ball hard (Ball’s hard)
’Cause without a second to spare, I’m strikin’ again
Balling hard is an idiom of doing something aggressively, it’s like a bowling ball cause it’s a hard ball. “Without a second to spare” means he’s not gonna waste any time, he will “strike” (take action) again. But also “spare” and “strike” are bowling terms. 🔥🔥🔥
And when the beat is up my alley, I go right for the pens (Pins)
“Up in my alley” meaning like “in my element”. When there’s a beat, Em tends to go for the pens meaning to write songs. It also holds the meaning of “beat up” and “alley”, beating up often happens in an alley. But also alley as in “bowling alley”. “Pens” sounds like “pins”, like bowling pins. 🔥🔥🔥
My mind is a recycling bin
There’s no place I never been
Recycling bins have been everywhere. His mind is all over the place.
Even when I’m rappin’ less stellar
It’s sour grapes, I still whine, I’m the best seller (Cellar)
Stellar is like a star constellation, meaning even if he’s not rapping other-worldly (cause a star is out of the world), he’s still whining but also sounds like “wine” like a good fine wine. “Bestseller” like most selling record artists, but also sounds like “cellar” like “wine cellar” also ties in with the “grapes”. 🔥🔥🔥
’Cause I got so many caps, and you don’t have any straps (Nah)
So you’d be a fitted (Yeah), so don’t act like you fittin’ to snap
Bitch, I’ll pee (P) on your head like a Phillies hat (Haha)
“Got so many caps” meaning got many “hats”, or personalities, or skills. Fit and snapbacks and kinds of caps. You can’t act like you can snap, as in “get mad”, cause the “snap” is on Em’ cause he gots many caps. “Pee” stands for the letter “P” which is in a Phillies hat. 🔥🔥🔥
You’re always punkin’ out like Halloween
“Punk out” like acting immature, but also “punkin' out” sounds like “pumpkin out”. Halloween is a holiday where there are so many pumpkins out.
Bitch, if you shot a tree, you wouldn’t pop the trunk
The trunk has a double meaning of “tree trunk”, and the car’s “trunk” is where people tend to hide a shotted body in.
I’m in the cut, and I’m out for the blood
It’s lookin’ like it’s that time of the month
“Blood is out” like the time of the month, referencing women’s period.
Y’all will get cut the fuck up like abdominals if you don’t vámonos
I keep droppin’ like dominos, the formidable, abominable
Stompin’ a mudhole in my comp even if it’s off the top of the dome
The abdominals of an animal like the intestines often get cut up for consumption. Dominos are often falling. “Abominable” paints the pictures of the snowman or big foot, that’s why there’s a stomp in a mudhole. 🔥🔥🔥
Got your stomach in knots like you swallowed rope
Knots in your stomach mean you feel unwell, but also rope makes knots.
You out of pocket though, like a motherfuckin’ wallet stole
“Out of the pocket” means that you’re not even in the same space as Em. When a wallet got stolen, it got out of the pocket.
